The above defination described me all to well almost two years ago. I lost interest in life and didnt want to do anything, even shop! Now me not wanting to shop is for sure a PROBLEM :) This was a very sad time in my life. As I remember it kind of started out slow and then lead to futher depression, then I think I became depressed because I was depressed. My group of friends started to change, close friends were getting married and so on. I really felt I was trying to hide behind my things and tried to get my value in life from what I had instead of who I was on the inside.
I remember feeling like I was in a fog all the time and really felt no kind of emotion for anything, numb. My energy was 0, I didnt go out or do anything fun at all for a LONG time! Remembering how I felt then scares me a little because I'm affraid of those feelings. I'm learning that I can feel the worst feeling in the world and yet.. still survive. I believe the core of my depression started when the seasons of life started to change in my own life. We all go through seasons in life some better than others. We can either let ourselves flow with those seasons or we can resist those seasons and sometimes get bitter on the inside. I think I was somewhat bitter and didnt want to change. I felt lost and had really stopped hearing and listening to my inner voice.
One Sunday morning I remember it so clearly the Voice of God broke into my utter darkness. I was listening to a message of a pastor that I love and all of the sudden I felt like a stream of sunshine just shined on my heart in a whole new way! God is so faithful. It took one word from the Lord to shake depression off my life. No medicine ( yes sometimes we do need to use medications to help with depression) however, what I needed was to hear the voice of the Lord calling out to me and healing my emotions. I believe during the 3-4 years I was fighting depression God was changing me on the inside. See, before going through this experience I never really got to experience the verse in the Bible that states " “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." I think this is in Hebrews. I held on to this verse every second of everyday. When I felt no friends or family were around and I would start to get sad, I would say to myself- NOPE! I may feel alone, BUT I'M NOT! Because Jesus said he would never leave me. Every time one of those bad thoughts would come up, I would say I'm not alone... and over time things started to change one the inside. See have a whole world on the other side of our face.
Jesus is truly my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything and He does not judge me ever. He is a wonderful couselor and my healer. Depression is real, no joke and people who struggle with stuttering and other speech issues can feel so isolated and alone. I know what its like wanting sooooo badly to reach out and go and do things but being affraid of stuttering so it held me back, then I would feel sad. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! When you feel like you have no one on earth who understands, talk to your maker because HE DOES! God is our hope, he wants you to express how you feel with words or not. Journaling can be a wonderful tool.
God bless you, and remember never give up. Ever. The following site has some good advice on helping deal with depression.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional_health/depression.aspx
